The Dusty Tome of D&D Stories: Chapter Three

D is for DUNGEON MASTER~! Who rotates.

In case you want to start from the beginning:

Chapter One
Chapter Two

You are in a tavern. A wizard gives you a crystal pepsi. You drink it, and he asks you "Are you down with OPP?". Suddenly you're in a deli, where men wearing zubaz are huddled around a Street Fighter 2 arcade game. You are in the early 90's!

After my Spelljammer campaign, I took a backseat as the rest of the group ran games. We tried a number of systems that were popular at the time, but we never strayed far from our beloved D&D.

The Folly of Rotating DMs

All my stats are Shift X. I rolled it.

I have never seen it work, ever. I'm sure someone has done it. We tried taking turns running games of Marvel Superheroes, with the incredibly awesome FASERIP chart.

We always argued about the team name. I desperately wanted them to be the "Lethal Legion". They wanted M.A.G.E. Our team included:

Electron Man - Might have been inspired by They Might Be Giants.
Gorp the Magnificent - A comedic little green alien.
Aegis Knight - An elf in a power suit. Also known as "Agnes".
Gangrene - Some other dude in a power suit who had a rifle that fired acid.
A Werewolf
Shatterstar - Yep, I ran the hollow-boned guy with a sword.
Magnus - A clone of Thor

Magnus, the Thor clone, was rolled up at home. Alone. With the ultimate powers book. And wouldn't you know it, he ended up with 18 super powers, all at a high ranking?

And then, when his player's turn to DM came around, Magnus ended up with an infinity gem. Wow! What are the chances? The werewolf took exception to this.

In one of my sessions (which featured homemade adventures of mine that were remarkably terrible) I ran a goofy scenario where the super-team went to an alternate universe and helped SHIELD ward off an Atlantean invasion. During a battle on a dock, an atlantean actually knocked Magnus over somehow. The werewolf pounced on him. He rolled high. He tore out Magnus' throat.

After a moment of consulting the ultimate powers book, Magnus' player calmly informed us that his Shift Y resurrection power meant that he came back to life in one second. And also... his blood was incredibly poisonous. The Werewolf died.

I am not surprised this was NEVER OPENED.

The campaign didn't last much longer after that little twist. Though we did play through the hideous adventure where Galactus split into three people named "Gal", "Ac", and "Tus" and one of them had a wedding to Gaea. That was so
 bad. I can't even... hold on...

I found it online! They actually named this adventure "RAGNAROK AND ROLL". Are you kidding me? That was the name? I mean... come on!

If I remember right, the character Death in the marvel universe never spoke. She just stood there all cool and scary, rejecting Thanos' love even when he killed half of the universe just to please her.

She never spoke, that is, until the wedding in this adventure between "Gal" and Gaea. Death's first words.. ever.. were: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."

The Robotech Tipper

The RPG that cool art built.

My good friend, the fellow who killed The Slug With the Golden Brain, ran a Rifts campaign. That game was tricky, as some classes were more powerful than others. Our group included:

An android that shot lasers out of "firm points"
A chimera or dragon or something
A highlander immortal (custom class made by the DM)
A Robotech pilot

The Robotech pilot was a cocky character. He loved to throw money around. A lot of Rifts sessions involved 1-2 hours of real-life "shopping". Our characters would go to a city, and we'd look for stuff to buy. We'd open up some of the billion Rifts sourcebooks and flip through them.

Our characters would go out to eat, too. The Robotech pilot tipped generously. The DM didn't like it. I think he felt that it was unrealistic. Once the Robotech pilot player picked up on this, he tipped even more generously. He was probably trolling.

We were in Cyber New Mexico or whatever, getting snacks and MDC power armor. Robotech guy gave hundreds of bucks to our waiter as a tip. The DM roleplayed the waiter's response in a spanish accent: "I'm sorry sir, I cannot accept this. You're ruining our economy!". The waiter proceeded to lecture us in a spanish accent for a few minutes on how the whole society could collapse because of this irresponsible spending.

This Rifts campaign had the most epic ending ever. In the end, the world blew up. We heroes were in the Robotech ship, flying in space, trying to outrun the earth-shattering blast. The white explosion got closer and closer to us. Our ship rattled. Cue credits. DM played a Marillion song on his CD player. The end.

One Punch

My friend was running a fantastic, insanely epic Spelljammer campaign. One character had become an evil super-vampire known as a wamphyri (from the Bryan Lumley Necroscope book series). My character was guarding a woman who was destined to become a goddess of good.

Well, one day, the wamphyri PC wanted her for some nefarious plot. I had no choice but to stand in front of her. I was her appointed guardian. I had magic tattoos. I challenged him to a fist-fight.

He punched me. There was a 6% chance I fell unconscious. I rolled percentile dice. I fell unconscious.

One punch!