Rawhead Rex: '80's Horror, D&D Next style

Late 80's thrash hair

This post is a little dirty. Avert your eyes!

As a fan of Mystery Science Theater, I like to think that I can appreciate a cheesy movie. I happened upon one such movie last night. It is called Rawhead Rex. Here's his deal:

- He's an ancient pagan god
- He's 10 feet tall and eats people
- His followers are sort of brainwashed to serve him through touching an altar or something
- To anoint a follower, he pees on them. And wow, that urine comes out like a firehose.
- He is vulnerable to THE POWER OF WOMAN. He is defeated by a woman holding an idol of a pregnant woman, which shoots lightning.

It turns out that this movie is based on a story by horror author Clive Barker, who apparently was none too thrilled with this film. He hated the way Rex looked, wanted more kids killed, and was expecting more of a sexual slant. This story, he says, is about a giant penis monster. Rex should look like a 9 foot penis with sharp teeth. There's some comic art that depicts Rex closer to what Clive envisioned.

Welp. That's a penis monster, all right.

So... yeah. Tomorrow night I run the third level of the Dungeon of the Bear. Down there is our villain, an orc wizard. But also down there is the God of the Bears and his immortal antagonist!


The PCs will come upon an ancient jar with a cork in it. It has some ancient symbols on it. Voices call out, offering three wishes to whomever opens it. In the adventure, the immortal antagonist is a black cloud, a sort of djinn who our heroes should probably run from.  The djinn chases them into the next room, where there's a 20 foot tall statue of a bear - which is in fact Jambavan, God of Bears!

The statue transforms into a giant silver-y bear who bear hugs the djinn, prepared to hold him there for all eternity.

I plan on switching out the black cloud for my Rawhead Rex monster. The jug doesn't make sense. In the movie, Rex is buried underneath a tall shaft of stone. Lightning hits it and out pops Rex. I'll probably use the shaft and offer the wishes, but you have to... uhh.. rub it......

Then when the mighty stone shaft is rubbed, Rex explodes out and attacks any females! He is weak, but gets stronger with each kill. Here's his D&D Next stats:

Caviler, The Axe Warder
AC 12 HP 37 Speed 40
STR 18 DEX 10 CON 15 INT 13 WIS 13 CHA 15
 Darkvision
 Always attacks females
 Fears and hates females, women have advantage to hit him
 +5 to hit 10 damage
 Blinding, acidic urine Dex DC 12 or 5 damage (If you are killed by this, you become his red-eyed fanatical undead servant)

Will our heroes be peed upon? Will Jambavan embrace this monster for all eternity? We'll find out in a day or two...